i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
