How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
