Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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