Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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