We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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