Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
