watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
