What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize