I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
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i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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