got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
