Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
