So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
