Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
