May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
