I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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