arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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