I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
