I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
