why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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