So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
