...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
