No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
