I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
