You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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