If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Where is the hickey?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
