i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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