i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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