walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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