I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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