you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
pop tarts are not kleenex
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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