One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
