The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
