Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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