i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
