We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
