I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think my vagina is haunted
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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