If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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