It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
