Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
