i just google imaged poop.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
