Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.