do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
