I met the friendliest cop last night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
