Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
