Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
