i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
