i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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