is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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