Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
