Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
