I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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