I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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