Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize