He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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