roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
