you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
