He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
