Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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