My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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