the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
