I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
