somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
