she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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