You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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