the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
