You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
