I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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