I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
