Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
