i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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