Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
