i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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