Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
