Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
