so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Soap is not a condiment
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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