i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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