"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i now understand why vodka
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
