can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
