If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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