I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
