just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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