we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
